It is to be feared!! It's... you guessed it!
Haunted Escaped Mayonnaise!
Ladies and gentleman, what you see pictured above is a rare photograph of
Haunted mayonnaise escaping from the pits of hell.Coming back to life to live again in some poor unsuspecting fool's sandwich.
Lock your doors! Tell your neighbors! Hide your wife and children!
Cancel volleyball practice! This is not a drill!By now you are probably wondering, "How do I protect myself?"
Just follow the easy steps provided below. Please remember them. It could save your life.
1. Don't
eat sandwiches prepared in graveyards.
This may seem obvious to some, but don't take
chances near mayonnaise "portals" such as these.
2. Next
time you eat a sandwich containing mayonnaise, ask the sandwich "Are you
haunted?"
You'd be surprised how often a haunted mayonnaise
sandwich will just give itself away. It's a vanity thing.
3.
Do a hoola dance at least 3 times a day. For
reasons unknown, this will
usually ward off haunted mayonnaise attacks.
4. Have a mammogram. Guys, no excuses!
5. Say 3 "Hail Mayonnaise's" before you go to bed.
6. Don't
eat sandwiches, or foods with mayonnaise.
This method has been found to be 89% effective.
7. Poke your sandwich. if it screams, it's haunted. If it doesn't, it never was.
8. Hold
a party for ghoulish condiments. While it's going,
drive to the other side of town
to safely eat your food.
9. Conduct
an exorcism on your mayonnaise with liberal sprinklings
of holy olive oil and the blessed
egg.
10. attack
it with a pump gun full of salad cream.
Pass it on!
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